Sitting in silence, just God and I, without the noise of life, of traffic, of busy, I have the courage to ask, “What do you want from me this year, God? What is it that this year holds for me? Where would you have me go from this spot that I am in with you?”
It feels scary to ask these questions in light of the year that I just had.
In the last year, God broke apart knots of pain in my life. At times, I felt undone and completely broken. He uncovered things that needed to be brought into the light. Honestly, at times, it felt awful and probably like someone doing surgery. I had started the year with an expectant hopeful heart that 2018 would be a different year. That God would make all things new or better.
Except, it didn’t feel like that. Something needed to be different and I was ready to do anything it took for it to change. And God did just that.
But by bringing me through a valley of pain. He opened the eyes of my heart to the junk in there, and not all of it self inflicted. He dug up things of the past, helped me face them and began the healing process. He awaken dormant places, he jump started places of lifelessness and renewed hope that had been lost.
Standing on this side of last year, I can honestly say, I am still expectant. I am still staring down winter months but with hope. I am not in the same spot that I was in the last year and now, I am longing to see this God that didn’t let me remain in pain work mighty to bring me to Himself.
This isn’t to brag or proclaim how God is going to give me all the things on my prayer list, which He is fully capable of doing, but because I believe with every fiber of my being, that I am just scratching the surface of understanding who this God is that I trust.
If I were to call this a resolution, it would be that I resolve to find out. I resolve to lean in, to dig deeper and be present with God to find out what happens when I trust Him and I run after what He is made and called me to do. To fully believe and trust in the abundance that He has already given me in himself.
Often when we think of the word Abundance, we conjure up images of store houses of gold or food or the extravagance of the western world. Perhaps to being able to order whatever we want from Amazon and put all the Target Dollar Spot items in our cart.
God certainly promises to take care of us, but what I believe is that he cares more about is our hearts and souls.
We might always feel like we are lacking on this side of heaven. Waiting for something to actually fill us, waiting to be full of joy and happiness. I have found in thinking about all that God has to offer, that whatever it is, it is in abundance. He is abounding in love, grace, mercy, strength, power, wisdom, and so much more.
Searching the scriptures, I came across many verses with the word “abundance” but one that I think I will cling to this year is..
“But, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” -Lamentations 3:32
It feels fitting after last year, to expect to learn about how much God loves me. And He does love me. I pray that I would sit in, reflect on, live out of the fact that He loves me far beyond anything I can comprehend.
So friends, I don’t know where this hits you, but I want to encourage you that if you ended the previous year with a longing or ache in your heart, if you feel like you have been through the wringer and then some, remember that God offers you an abundance. Not of more stuff, but of himself.
He created you, he knows you, loves you and offers all of himself FOR you.
We already have that in Him. We don’t have to go searching, we don’t have to tidy up our stuff or lives, we don’t have to clean up our diet or go on a media fast, or do a juice cleanse. None of that is actually going to earn you more of Him. He has already give all of Himself, life and death, for us. All we have to do is step into that abundance, receive it and live out of it.
I pray that your year, like mine, would be one of discovering and deepening knowledge of who God is, that your eyes are opened to what He has for you, that you would stop hustling to be better for God and truly know His “never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever kind of love.” (Jesus StoryBook Bible)