I think I have become a runner….

Yesterday, I went out for an 8 mile run at 10:30 in the morning. It was pretty cloudy and cold, just the way I like it for running outside. I looked at the weather and saw that we were expecting rain, but I thought I would have enough time before it started.

I was wrong. Just as I was going into my last mile it started to sprinkle and soon it was raining pretty hard. Instead of stopping and find a place to wait it out. I kept going. Invigorated by this surreal moment, I smiled and kept going.

I thought about all the times I had passed people running in the rain and thought they were crazy.
I thought about the times I had used rain as an excuse not to work out.
I thought about insane I probably looked smiling and running.

That was my favorite run so far in my training….

….because I think….
….just maybe…
…I have become a runner.

I describe myself as many things, teacher, artist, sister, friend, coffeelover, booknerd, tv addict, but never have I used the term runner to describe myself.

It is a surreal thing for me, as someone who hated running a year and half ago, as someone who hated PE in school, and stood in the middle of the field while playing ultimate frisbee, and always vetoed the suggested of physical exercise as an option to do with friends.

So when someone suggests that people can’t change, I tell them my story about what I once was and what I am now.

I am now a runner.

What are you? What do you want to become? Is there something you think you will never be? What do you see as impossible in your life?

How People Change

I am currently reading a book called “How People Change” by Timothy Lane and Paul David Tripp.

I started reading this book by suggestions from someone or maybe I heard a quote from it on a Sunday, I can’t really remember. As I try to figure out how to change different things in my life, these sort of books are important because they get me thinking about why I would even want to change and how any change that happens doesn’t happen because I did it on my own, but because of Christ in me. Anyways, from time to time, I will comment on something I am reading in it.

Today, I came across this quote:
“Jesus is not a vending machine that dispenses what we want to feel good about ourselves. He is the Holy One who comes to cleanse us, fill us, and change us. He does not do this according to our agendas. He will not serve our wayward needs. He loves us too much to merely make us happy. He comes to make us holy. There will be many occasions when he will not give us what we think we need, but rather, he will give us what he knows we need.”

This quote brings me to think about some different frustrations that I have in my life right now. Am I treating Jesus like a vending machine? Do I try to fit Him into my own agenda? Do I desire to have him just make me happy? I love that we have a God that doesn’t just desire to make us happy, but make us holy!

I am still sorting through what I think about this, but this quote rang loud and clear in my head for a reason.

Thoughtful Tuesday

Like the alliteration I have going here? Yep, just a little cheese is always a good thing. 🙂

Anyways, I am sitting here in my favorite coffee shop (in KC anyways) and I am having all sorts of frustrating thoughts. Since it is summer and I am a teacher, I have lots of time to think. That isn’t always a good thing for a perpetual over thinker anyways. These thoughts sort of go with the idea that I want my life to move forward. I want to magically get to my end goal weight, I want to suddenly arrive at someday, and have all the things that I spend a lot of time dreaming about during my thinking time.

HOWEVER, I make that a big “however” because I know in my heart of hearts, that skipping the process of change isn’t as wonderful as going through the change. As much as I want to be at the end of this chapter in my life, (There is a lot more to my chapter than just weight loss, but I won’t go into that here.) I know that I am supposed to go through this process, this journey, this chapter for a reason. I don’t think I would learn about the hard work it takes to get to the end if I just skipped the hard work, right?

As frustrating as it is to be where I am at in my life, I have to trust that God has me here for a reason. (Sometimes I wish I knew that reason.) However, there is a wonderful magic in not knowing and anticipating figuring out the reason someday.

I think my one of my favorite verses applies here:

Isaiah 55: 8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

What are the things that God is asking you to trust in Him for?

Munchie Mondays

This weekend, I struggled with the munchies. I don’t know about you, but when I am bored I tend to eat. I wish that I could say that I have lots of self-control, but I don’t. So my trainer and I worked through my food journal, and talked about what good things I could munch on.

(If you don’t have a food journal or some way to record what you eat, you should. There are tons online for free, I use one through my gym, but I am sure google could help with that.)

Angie, my wonderful trainer and I talked about my snacks, and we came to the conclusion that I wasn’t eating bad things but I need to make some small adjustments. Most of the time it is just making small adjustments to what you are doing that make the biggest difference. So, I thought I would share some of my snack ideas.

My morning snack:
Protein powder mixed with 8 oz of skim milk

Afternoon snack:
16 Quaker Quake Rice Snacks (My new discovery, very filling)
1/2 of Greek Yogurt (I get the Yoplait kind but there are other kinds that you might get cheaper.

Evening Snack:
Wheat thins
Laughing cow cheese

My new goal is to plan my meals out carefully and stick to them. However, as great as my goals sound, I have to remind myself why I make these goals and continue to make my up my mind that I want to change my thinking about snacking and food.

So what about you, what sort of small adjustments to you need to make to help you with whatever goal you are trying to make? What is going to help you be motivated to reach those goals?

Confession Time..

I have been avoiding posting this all day, because today I feel like somewhat of a failure. I went to a musical show last night with my roommate and her sister. And because my eating schedule is totally off, I ate lunch at like 4 in the afternoon. ( I know…can we say lazy!!)

We left the house at 6:15…I left with a banana. Yep, the show is like 2 hours long and didn’t start till 8. I should have been more prepared. I was really hungry by 7. And I gave in…..I bought some popcorn after sampling it from my roommate’s sister. (I am also a totally moocher, I don’t think the calories count if it is off somebody else plate.)

The bag of popcorn was kettle corn, it was addictive. And loaded with fat and sugar. It was a big bag….had to be a pound of at least. Yep, I ate 2/3 of it. And then I finally threw the rest away. I was almost sick with as much as I ate of it. I had the munchies and I was hungry….not a good combination. (And let’s not even talk about how overpriced it was either.)

I do this sometimes, I overeat something and I get really disappointed in myself, thinking that “I should know better than this after a year of changing my life.” I have extremely high expectations for myself, that when I fail, I tend to be really hard on myself. And perhaps that is why I was 24 years old and 255lbs. I would continually fail, and just figure there was no reason in starting over, I was already there. I was paralyzed into doing nothing about my mistakes or failures.

However…what I have learned in the last year is that tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow, I can try again with eating well. I can try to be self-controlled and diligent about what I put in my mouth.

As I think type this out and I think….wow….this translates in every area of my life right now. Spiritually, emotionally, professionally. I struggle with high expectations in every area and sometimes I have to allow myself to experience God’s grace that fills the gap when I mess up, and that I don’t have to continue to try to save myself. (Who do I think I am that I can do that anyways?) Professionally, when I have a horrible day when I feel like I didn’t teach them anything, I have to remember that the next day is a new day and who knows where those preteen’s emotions are going to be.

Am I alone in this thinking? Or do you also struggle with holding the previous days mistakes against yourself? So much so that it prevents you from changing or moving forward?


When I think of the word confidence, I somehow will always have a picture of Julie Andrews dancing down a dirt road singing….”I have confidence in confidence alone.” But lately, that is what I have been wanting to sing.

My new lifestyle has lead to some confidence in my life. Confidence in who God made me to be, confidence in my abilities, confidence in the future, confidence in how I look. I love being able to buy new clothes and look amazing in them without really even trying. I love to be able to try new things and not feel silly. I have noticed that I hold my head just a little higher, I sit up a little straighter, and feel more comfortable among strangers.

I have the confidence to buy accessories that I might not be brave enough to buy before.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think you should feel comfortable in your skin, no matter what size or shape you are, but for me I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. I was miserable. I was sad and depressed and I wanted something in my life to change. I wanted something more.

So those of you that think that it is impossible to change, that your life is going to stay the same no matter what you do, you are wrong. It is possible to make a change, you have to make a decision that you will no longer settle, you have to make a decision that what you want is worth the work to get it. You have to make a decision, that doing something is better than doing nothing at all.

What decision do you need to make?

A Year Ago….

Before:A year or so later:

This is a pretty big day for me today. A year ago today, I started my weight loss journey (as they say on Biggest Loser). I joined a gym because I knew if I was paying for it, I would go. I was convinced to get a personal trainer by a very good salesman at my gym. And I haven’t looked back since.

My trainer, Angie, asked me on a scale of 1-10 how serious I was about losing weight. When I started it was at about a 6. After about a month into it I was at a 10. Now almost 65 lbs and a year later, I am still going. My story isn’t different than many others, I just decided one day that I didn’t want to live the life I was living anymore. I wanted to make a decision to change. And what followed was an amazing year. I think in many ways, I still have a long way to go. I want to do so much more, and I can do all the stuff physically, but until my mentality about food and life changes I won’t get all the way there.

Now, as I step into another summer of relaxing and rest after a busy school year, I have to make that decision again. I have spent this last week sleeping and doing a whole lot of nothing. I am slightly discouraged because I have given into temptation food wise and been exhausted. There could be a lot of reasons for this, but in reality, I have been making the choice to give into the exhaustion and not fight through. I have to ask myself how serious I am about this weight loss journey. It is just going to get harder from here on out. As much as I would like to just maintain where I am at, I really want to go further in this.

So on this blog, this summer I am going to commit to posting about what I am going through. I know it has been done, but I think if I have more than my friends to hold me accountable, I will follow through. Just as I have been motivated by the contestants on Biggest Loser, I want to do that for others as well. Who knows who will stop by the blog.

So friends, will you hold me accountable to kicking this weight loss journey into high gear and finishing it by the end of the summer?