To those that live in the tension…

 Yesterday, my best friend had a baby. Just in time for Mother’s Day.

6 years ago we were getting ready for her wedding.  We were concerned about decorations, dresses and small details. 

Now she is concerned with diapers and lactation and nurseries.

I know she will be an amazing mother.  She is one of the most loving and caring individuals that I know.  She has loved me even when I am a jerk and not a very good friend.  She is patient and kind hearted. 

This new little girl will not be lacking in any love.  Or pretty much anything, she is so blessed and she doesn’t even know it.

It is surreal.

Perhaps because I can’t even fathom what my life would look like with baby. 
Perhaps because I feel like I can barely take care of myself. 
Or perhaps I don’t feel like I have a lot of love to give out.

Last night, it hit me….hard.  My best friend has begun a new chapter of life.

I am so happy for her.  I am so happy to be the adopted aunt, to baby sit, to deliver meals and help out. 

I get all emotional when I think about it, I can’t believe that my friends are grown up enough to have babies and start families. Sometimes it just feels like we are playing at this adult thing, but moments like these really push reality to the front.

However, I am preaching the truth at myself, that no matter a mother or not, that is not where my hope or my best friend’s hope lies.  God gave that little girl to my friend, not so that she could worship her, but to raise her for his glory.  God gives me things to do for his glory.  Right now it may not be a baby or a family or marriage, right now it is some pretty hard things. 

We will both be doing the same, faithfully complete the calling which God has given us.

To be honest, this was not where I thought I would land when I started writing this post. But I know there are a lot of people that maybe struggle with the chapter they are one, and I am one of them. 

However, I write this because I need to read it.  

Even in those extremely happy moments, we can feel that sadness, we feel the tension of joy and grief.  I have seen it in so many of my friends, I see it in my own soul. 

I am still figuring out how to live in this tension, but I know that I am not left alone in this.  God has not left me alone, he is there in the tension with me.  Having already fought and won, guiding me through the mess and the chaos.

And in that I must rest and continue to rest….every day

What is the tension that you live in? What do say to those that are in a tension you used to be in?

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