It feels appropriate to spend the first day of the new year reflecting back on the past year. I read through some of my posts on this blog and am somewhat surprised that in the last two months I have only posted twice. I feel like in these last two months much has been going on. Perhaps, I just haven’t been able to articulate it like I would want to but in a lot of ways 2010 was a good year, and God has blessed me in many ways.
More than anything, I think I am struck by the fact that so much can change in a year and so much can stay the same. Spiritually, I feel like I have come a long way since last January, but at the same time I feel like I am working out some of the same issues with God. Professionally, I have grown and changed and learned so much, but I have a long way to go. I do know that I don’t want to ever arrive, but continually be in process.
One of the biggest changes that 2010 has brought me was that physically I have changed. 45 lbs and counting, running a mile, and then running a 5k. To be able to wear things that I never thought possible, to be healthier and motivated to continue on this path. Those are all changes that I see. But I have to remember that those physical changes won’t bring me that inner satisfaction that I crave in approval or success, those will only come from the Lord.
As I travel through my year in my journal and writings, I feel sense of anticipation, of weariness, of wanting, of hunger for more. I am not sure what more of, because I know there are days when I feel overwhelmed by what I have on my plate, in my life. I feel not equipped to handle what God has thrown at me. However, I know there is more that God intends to do in 2011. Am I ready for it, am I prepared for what he has? Do I know what I am asking for?
Even though I feel one thing, I know that the fact is God is there and will always be there to help me through whatever he puts in my path. It excites me to think about it in a lot of ways. I am excited for His plans, whatever they may be.