change….slowly but surely

One day this summer, I just sort of decided that I was going to make a change. I was going to lose weight and take care of myself. I was going to live differently than before. Through research of different gyms, I decided to take a tour and perhaps get a free week to check it out. It didn’t take much convincing, but I decided to not only join but purchase some personal training.

3 months later, I am 25 lbs lighter, and am still working with the same trainer. She is wonderful, she herself has been there and understands what it takes to change your lifestyle. And that is really what it is about, changing your life. You might think I am crazy…but it doesn’t matter. I have completely changed my eating habits, trying not to use food as a reward, but a necessity to be able to function and have the energy I need to go throughout the day. I am now able to run a mile without stopping which I have never, ever been able to do. Running a mile in PE was the day that I pretended to be sick.

I will not live in the guilt anymore, I will not live in the shame anymore. Being overweight makes me feel guilty about what I am eating, it makes me feel shame that I am not doing what I should be doing. It is almost as if I am carrying around every bad moment or stressful day that I choose to hide in ice cream or mac & cheese. Getting rid of it helps me cast that guilt and shame out of my life, and doesn’t allow the enemy to continue to hang it over my head. I will choose to live and I will choose to change.

Granted I still have a long way to go, but I am doing it….I make the choice everyday to stick with it or not, and I have to live with that decision. That pretty much goes with my spiritual life as well. I realized this weekend that in a lot of ways I am not making the same sort of day by day
choices for my soul. (more on that later.)

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