I am tired of my unbelief.

I am tired of the bitterness.

I am tired of the judgment.

I am tired of my distrust.

I am tired of seeking after approval.

I am tired.

I am tired of the constant struggle.

I am tired of climbing uphill.

I am tired of my discontent.

I am tired of the sadness.

I am tired of failing.

I am tired.

For in the moments that cause rejoicing, I weep.

Something inside me, blocks my heart

From the light.

Where can I get a hammer

To break down that wall of exhaustion.

—I wrote this poem on August 26th. Things haven’t really changed. Does anyone have a hammer?